Loving Through Judging

Being judged by others is not a pleasant feeling, but neither is judging others. When we decide to judge someone it is truly because of our insecurities about ourselves, not about the person we are judging.

We all have been guilty of this in our life. I think back to junior high and oh my goodness, that was a breeding ground for judgment! Everyone there was insecure about who they were and who they wanted to be yet, there was not a class or an adult or society teaching us another way to be, to learn, or understand our insecurities. What I have realized now is this does carry throughout our lives in many different ways and forms.

I know women seem to be the ones who judge more and in many different ways, but I do know men deal with this as well. For us girls somewhere along the way we learned to judge other girls by the way they looked, dressed, where they lived, and much more. When you think about this it is pretty sad to know we all grew up like this and that somehow it was normal and ok. I know I was not aware of how this would carry on through other stages of my life and how this behavior truly harms us in many ways.

I can think back to when I was getting married, a lot of my friends already had or were going to be and the judging was out of control! It was about where you were getting married, how much your dress was, etc…. After the wedding comes your first child and again, the judging is hardcore, but this time the judgment really strikes a chord because it is not just about you anymore, it now is about your baby. It stays about kids, for the most part, their sports, grades, and who they are friends with. It also can be about your house, what car you drive, and pretty much everything about your life. For some, this is just the way of life, but once I was able to see I knew I did not want this way anymore.

Once you stop judging others you honestly become a happier person, not only are you just living your life, but you stop carrying what others think of you. I have learned you can still be a loving kind person and not give a damn about anyone talking about or judging your life. I feel like it is a detox for your mental health because you honestly start feeling lighter and like a weight has been lifted from you.

Once you can look at everyone around you as a soul who is here for a purpose and a reason, you began to see everyone in a new way, a loving way. I know I was guilty of seeing a stranger and instantly judging and making up a story in my mind about their life or who they were. Now, I send a prayer and love to them because I have no idea what is happening or has happened in their life. This way of being honestly has changed me, it has allowed me to see souls, not a story in my mind, it has allowed me to open my heart and that has created more love for myself and for everyone I see. XO-Rach

Loving Through 10 Years.

April 11th 2012 to April 11th 2022 has been a decade that I will never forget, for many reasons but the most important one is that decade transformed my life in every single way.

April 11th 2012 was the beginning of the end. The end of life as I had known it and the beginning or rebirthing as I like to call it of my new life. The transformation that would take place in this 10 year period would change me forever. Aprill 11th, is the day that I said goodbye to the most amazing soul, the one I chose to be my mom and the one who allowed this process to begin. I would have never believed that 9 months later my dad would follow her and then 4 years later my sister. What I have learned in this space of 10 years is that I chose this family and I chose these lessons. I learned you can heal and forgive people who are not here in human form and that love has no boundaries, that it does not matter if they are another realm. I know angels are real and that I have 3 important ones and many others that are always guiding and loving me. I learned family doesn’t mean blood. Family is surrounding yourself with people who see you, love you, hear you and allow you to grow. I learned you are never alone, that we can feel alone, but never are truly alone and in this knowing I am now in a place of peace with being alone.

5 years ago I left a life that I never thought I could or would, but on that one day I chose me. I learned the most important work we will ever do is the work on ourselves. I finally learned that we can not change anyone or anything, but when we change ourselves, thoughts and feelings everything can change. I learned what love was not and found what love is. I felt love for the first time in my life and that changed everything. I learned we should look at our kids as souls not “our” children and how we can learn so much from them if we are willing and open to. I have seen how the break up of a family can change everyone so differently and in so many ways. I have witnessed the beauty in the souls who chose me as a mom and I have witnessed heart ache in the knowing that I can not change anything for them.

I learned it doesn’t matter what you have, material things are just things, but who you are, that is what matters. I learned the art of listening and how important it is. I knew my belief in age is only a number to be true, because at any moment in your life you can change and transform however you want. I found the little girl who had been waiting for me, the one who dreamed, who loved loved and who knew her purpose in this lifetime. I learned to trust, believe and most importantly to let go….

10 years seems like a long period of time when you think of the future, but when you look back on 10 years, it seems like it went in a blink of an eye. Some people wonder how you can go through so much in 10 years, but I feel so blessed, I was and still am loved by the souls who had to leave. All of the things that I thought would once kill me only made me stronger, in my faith, in my love and in my knowing.

Whenever I leave this lifetime I will not have regrets because I chose and will keep choosing me. To live in the now, not in the past or the future. To live in gratitude for each morning and each night. I now know what I want in life. I trust myself, listen to my soul and release my control. I know the Universe always has our back and wants us to have everything and more in this life time. I am proof that love can carry us through anything, but you have to chose love. Love has no boundaries, no expectations, no limits, it is in each and everyone of us. Love is one of the most powerful and beautiful connections we all share.

Loving Through every single moment of life-XO-Rach

Loving Through Expectations

Have you ever bought a gift for someone thinking it was the perfect thing and you imagined in your mind how they would react, the smile, the joy, and how that image made you so excited in giving them this gift? When you think of that time, did the image in your head play out exactly as you expected? Expectations really set us up for heartache, hurt feelings, disappointment, and many other emotions.

I had never really thought about expectations, I just knew I had used them most of my life in many different ways and areas of my life. Once I realized I was causing this hardship on myself, I took a look at what I had been doing, and it was then I could see what I never seen before or maybe never wanted to.. And that was how I created how someone should act, feel, or think to what I gave, did or said to them.

We can not expect anyone to react in the way we think they should, the way we created it in our mind, the way it makes us feel good. If you think about it we are really judging someone, which is not fair nor is it right, because truthfully, we are holding this goodness with expecting them to act in a certain way, which is absolutely unfair. If you are giving someone what you think is the perfect gift and their reaction does not meet what you felt it should be, how can you be mad at that person? Why has society been this way for so long and why don’t kids learn about this at school? I say this because once you loose expectations you actually feel free. Free to give, free to speak, free to be yourself without thinking about what others will say or do, because you are not creating some scenario that truly will never happen.

My golden rule is: do what makes you happy, don’t do anything that you don’t want to, and do NOT do it for praise or any other form of emotion. If you want to clean your house, clean it, for you, not for your family to say “wow the house looks great”, because they may notice, but they also may have many things on their minds and simply forget to say it.

Life is meant to live freely. Give from your heart, love with your heart, but do not expect anything from others, because that is not being or acting from love. Free yourself, you will be amazed! XO-Rach

Loving Through Letting Go

The most difficult part in a relationship is letting go when you know you can not grow together anymore. Where maybe you have learned all you can from each other and now you are to move onto the next place in your journey. This doesn’t always mean both parties are ready for this separation, but it is something that has to happen in order for growth to occur. This can happen in all different relationships not just romantic, it can be with our friends, grown children, really anyone who has a space in our life.

We do get signs I believe when this separation starts to happen, but sometimes it is such a slow process that we might not even realize what is really happening till it is done. I know in my own experiences I have been able to feel something was off, the energy, the communication, but I was not able to understand the why.

To love someone so completely and to be in a space of absolute disconnect can make your heart hurt. I like to think of the saying “If you love someone set them free, if they come back they were meant to be”, this again shows us how we do not have control over someone staying in our lives. It can be devastating to imagine life without certain people in it, but as hard as that is I believe it teaches us to hold loving space. Trusting that our path ended, but knowing that doesn’t mean forever, that it can mean I will see you up ahead.

Letting go is never easy, trusting is never easy, but loving should be the easiest thing we ever do. Resisting change creates much more sadness, when we can be open to seeing what we may not have wanted to, we can then start trusting the process.

I want to end with one of my favorite quotes as it can help you see a different way of letting go. XO-Rach

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like..” - Lao Tzu

Loving Through Guilt

Guilt is an emotion that can cause so much stress on ourselves, an emotion that we can carry for our entire lifetime if we do not deal and heal it. When I speak of guilt, I do not mean breaking the law kind of guilt, but our own law for ourselves. Each person has had a feeling of guilt, where we might have said something that caused someone else to feel bad, did something that caused harm, or just knowing we did not act in the way we know we wanted to. Guilt can also follow when we let someone or something go, even though we believe it is for the best and that it needed to happen, we can feel heavy and full of guilt.

There are times in our lives when we will not always be at our best, where we may be triggered, hurt, or just not in a good place and as tough as it can be, we must give ourselves grace. We need to remember we are souls having a human experience, we are not perfect, we are learning each and every moment of our lives.

Guilt can keep us prisoners if we do not forgive ourselves or others. The thing I have learned is sometimes doing what we know is right doesn’t always leave us feeling good, but it is in those times we need to let go of that guilty feeling and remember we are all doing the best we can. XO-Rach

Loving Through Changes

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”- Wayne Dyer

This has been my go to quote for the last 5 years. Whenever I feel stuck, confused, or really any emotion that I do not want to feel, reading this brings me peace and a reminder that. I have the power to choose my thoughts and feelings.

Change is not always a welcomed event, it can be painful and difficult, but if you can look at it from another way, you may find something that you had not seen before. I have said numerous times in my previous blogs that we do not have power to change others nor do we have control in what happens in our lives. We do however have the power to change our thoughts and emotions at any time. Even when we may have acted, thought, or felt in a way that we wish we had not been, that is the moment we can chose again.

If we are not open and willing to change, we will stay stuck, not just literally, but in our thoughts and emotions. This is when it can become painful as family and friends can be evolving and if you refuse to change, you will start feeling you no longer are on the same page as people close to you.

Change isn’t always meant to be easy and fun, but it is meant to teach and grow us. I don’t fear change anymore, I embrace it, even the painful times because I trust I am right where I am meant to be. Always find the positive. Remember you have the power to change at any given moment. XO-Rach

Loving Through The Wake Up Calls

Wake up calls are nudges from the Universe, telling you in some way that something needs to change. I have learned for myself they start off ever so gently, just a little sign here or there and if I am not present or open to see them, well they do become louder and sometimes not so gentle….

I used to believe the world was after me in someway, that I had all this bad luck or bad things always happened to me, but I decided at a certain point that is not how I wanted to view life. I knew there had to be another way of looking at things, a way that felt good, that allowed me to understand the flow of life.

I have always wanted to control so many out comes, you know you make a vision in your head of how you see things going, the way it just makes sense to you. I still struggle with this at times, but I will tell you, that is when I get my wake up calls. Those are the times the Universe says to me,” This is not the way, I have a better plan, trust me.” Not too long ago I knew there was something I needed to change in my life, but I kept putting it off because I was not ready to make it. I had signs all around me, telling me, showing me, that yes this was the time, but I didn’t want to listen or see. So I had a big wake up call, one that made me stop in my tracks and remind me I am not in control and that whatever my plan is, there was a better one playing out for me.

Wake up calls are something to be grateful for, however you want to see it or name it, there is a higher power watching over all of us. We all came here to live our best life, but we need to learn first that we have no control over the way it will play out, no matter how good we think of the ways it should go or be. Don’t be afraid of those nudges, they are loving signs to remind you that the Universe always has your back, even when it is a tough lesson or situation we are going through. It is all for a reason and purpose. XO-Rach

Loving Through: Finding your Tribe

You can be in a room filled with people you call friends, but still feel completely alone. Alone in the way that you can’t be who you truly are, that you conform to the way everyone else thinks and feels, but it is all the same as you are still alone, but filled with people who don’t know who you truly are.

I have always told my girls you really only need one good friend who you can be yourself with. Who you can trust, laugh, cry, dream and say how you feel. Quantity does not matter especially when you get older, but society has made our younger years a popularity contest and that takes us sometime to undo and figure out and sometimes people never do.

You can only grow, challenge yourself and learn when you surround yourself with people who allow you to do just that. We need to have that space where we are unafraid to BE who we are and know that we are loved and cared for no matter what.

The hard part is letting go when our tribe may not be what we need anymore, that we have grown and learned all we can from them. This is the space where we need to dive into love, being grateful for all that we have received and learned. Nothing is about us, but it is about the growth and knowing not everyone is meant to stay on our journey or in our tribe.

I believe we are truly blessed when we have a tribe that remains with us throughout our lives, even if it is just one person. The greatest gift we can give to ourself is to be walking our path that is meant for us, with the people we are meant to walk with. XO-Rach

Ode to Love.

Love is who we are, each and every one of us.  We were born as love and we will die as love.  Love can not be bought or sold.  Love is not a possession or misconception.  

Loving Through is being present in each moment we are granted.  

There are endless possibilities of love, but you must be able to see them, feel them and cherish them.   

Love is the sun, the sky, the moon and the stars.  Love is the oceans, with white sandy beaches.  Love is the mountains, with snow covered tops.   Love is the animals and the insects, birds and reptiles.  Love is the earth.  Love is the planets that dance above us. Love is the Universe.

Love is the rain that falls down upon us.  Love is the snowflakes that touch our faces.  Love is the wind that swirls around us.  Love is the leaves that fall gently down to the ground.  Love is the warmth from summer days.

Love is here.  Love is now.  It never leaves, it never dies, but sometimes we forget.  Sometimes we need to look inside ourselves, for that is where love begins.

Love is a smile.  Love is a laughing voice.  Love is a teardrop rolling down our face.  Love is everything.

Look inside of yourself and say, I am Love.  I am Love.  I am Love.

Love is a kiss.  Love is a hug.  Love is a wave hello.  Love is walking away.  Love is everything.

Love is the smell of  fresh cut grass.  Love is the smell of lilacs in bloom.  Love is the smell of fresh fallen snow.  Love is everything.

Love is the sound of kids playing.   Love is the sound of a crackling fire.  Love is the sound of thunder in a storm.  Love is the sound of weeping despair.  Love is everything.

Love is you.  Love is me.  Each and every moment of our life, we have the power to choose love.  In the dark moments when we feel alone, love is there to light our way.  In our moments of sadness and heartbreak, love is there to embrace us. 
In our joyous and gleeful moments, love is there, cheering with us.    Love is who we are.  Love is everywhere.

If we choose to love through our lives, we begin to see the beauty unfold around us, knowing love is embracing us with each breath we take.   -XO Rach

Loving Through- The Mirrors

I think one of the most challenging lessons has been showing love to others when you know they do not like you. We seem to take this so personally but the truth is it is not about us, it is about them.

What I have learned is when someone doesn’t like you it is because you have triggered something inside of them. It’s like holding a mirror up for them to see themselves and most of the time no one wants to see what is being shown. I am sure if you think about people in your life now or in the past you can see the ones who held a mirror up for you and you can see what you choose to do. This is not a bad thing at all, it is actually a really beautiful thing, a gift to heal something in us that we may or may not have known. The same thing is said for the ones we trigger, but what we must remember is we do not have the power to change anyone, all we can do is be loving and kind and hope they will see inside themselves what is being shown. It is not our load to carry, but it is our message to deliver in the most loving way.

I look at everyone as a lesson that we are meant to have in this life time. Some will love us, some will leave us, some will challenge us, but all of them will allow us to grow and evolve if we are willing to look in that mirror. The more we can see how we are all connected in one way or another and how each of us are here to learn and grow from each other, the more love and kindness we can bring to this world. No one is smarter, prettier, stronger, or anything else that is what we have been made to believe. Instead, believe we are all here to serve our purpose for this lifetime and we all have mirrors and messages to deliver. Be kind, loving and have empathy for others. XO-Rach