Loving Through Expectations

Have you ever bought a gift for someone thinking it was the perfect thing and you imagined in your mind how they would react, the smile, the joy, and how that image made you so excited in giving them this gift? When you think of that time, did the image in your head play out exactly as you expected? Expectations really set us up for heartache, hurt feelings, disappointment, and many other emotions.

I had never really thought about expectations, I just knew I had used them most of my life in many different ways and areas of my life. Once I realized I was causing this hardship on myself, I took a look at what I had been doing, and it was then I could see what I never seen before or maybe never wanted to.. And that was how I created how someone should act, feel, or think to what I gave, did or said to them.

We can not expect anyone to react in the way we think they should, the way we created it in our mind, the way it makes us feel good. If you think about it we are really judging someone, which is not fair nor is it right, because truthfully, we are holding this goodness with expecting them to act in a certain way, which is absolutely unfair. If you are giving someone what you think is the perfect gift and their reaction does not meet what you felt it should be, how can you be mad at that person? Why has society been this way for so long and why don’t kids learn about this at school? I say this because once you loose expectations you actually feel free. Free to give, free to speak, free to be yourself without thinking about what others will say or do, because you are not creating some scenario that truly will never happen.

My golden rule is: do what makes you happy, don’t do anything that you don’t want to, and do NOT do it for praise or any other form of emotion. If you want to clean your house, clean it, for you, not for your family to say “wow the house looks great”, because they may notice, but they also may have many things on their minds and simply forget to say it.

Life is meant to live freely. Give from your heart, love with your heart, but do not expect anything from others, because that is not being or acting from love. Free yourself, you will be amazed! XO-Rach

Loving Through Letting Go

The most difficult part in a relationship is letting go when you know you can not grow together anymore. Where maybe you have learned all you can from each other and now you are to move onto the next place in your journey. This doesn’t always mean both parties are ready for this separation, but it is something that has to happen in order for growth to occur. This can happen in all different relationships not just romantic, it can be with our friends, grown children, really anyone who has a space in our life.

We do get signs I believe when this separation starts to happen, but sometimes it is such a slow process that we might not even realize what is really happening till it is done. I know in my own experiences I have been able to feel something was off, the energy, the communication, but I was not able to understand the why.

To love someone so completely and to be in a space of absolute disconnect can make your heart hurt. I like to think of the saying “If you love someone set them free, if they come back they were meant to be”, this again shows us how we do not have control over someone staying in our lives. It can be devastating to imagine life without certain people in it, but as hard as that is I believe it teaches us to hold loving space. Trusting that our path ended, but knowing that doesn’t mean forever, that it can mean I will see you up ahead.

Letting go is never easy, trusting is never easy, but loving should be the easiest thing we ever do. Resisting change creates much more sadness, when we can be open to seeing what we may not have wanted to, we can then start trusting the process.

I want to end with one of my favorite quotes as it can help you see a different way of letting go. XO-Rach

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like..” - Lao Tzu

Loving Through Guilt

Guilt is an emotion that can cause so much stress on ourselves, an emotion that we can carry for our entire lifetime if we do not deal and heal it. When I speak of guilt, I do not mean breaking the law kind of guilt, but our own law for ourselves. Each person has had a feeling of guilt, where we might have said something that caused someone else to feel bad, did something that caused harm, or just knowing we did not act in the way we know we wanted to. Guilt can also follow when we let someone or something go, even though we believe it is for the best and that it needed to happen, we can feel heavy and full of guilt.

There are times in our lives when we will not always be at our best, where we may be triggered, hurt, or just not in a good place and as tough as it can be, we must give ourselves grace. We need to remember we are souls having a human experience, we are not perfect, we are learning each and every moment of our lives.

Guilt can keep us prisoners if we do not forgive ourselves or others. The thing I have learned is sometimes doing what we know is right doesn’t always leave us feeling good, but it is in those times we need to let go of that guilty feeling and remember we are all doing the best we can. XO-Rach

Loving Through Changes

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”- Wayne Dyer

This has been my go to quote for the last 5 years. Whenever I feel stuck, confused, or really any emotion that I do not want to feel, reading this brings me peace and a reminder that. I have the power to choose my thoughts and feelings.

Change is not always a welcomed event, it can be painful and difficult, but if you can look at it from another way, you may find something that you had not seen before. I have said numerous times in my previous blogs that we do not have power to change others nor do we have control in what happens in our lives. We do however have the power to change our thoughts and emotions at any time. Even when we may have acted, thought, or felt in a way that we wish we had not been, that is the moment we can chose again.

If we are not open and willing to change, we will stay stuck, not just literally, but in our thoughts and emotions. This is when it can become painful as family and friends can be evolving and if you refuse to change, you will start feeling you no longer are on the same page as people close to you.

Change isn’t always meant to be easy and fun, but it is meant to teach and grow us. I don’t fear change anymore, I embrace it, even the painful times because I trust I am right where I am meant to be. Always find the positive. Remember you have the power to change at any given moment. XO-Rach

Loving Through The Wake Up Calls

Wake up calls are nudges from the Universe, telling you in some way that something needs to change. I have learned for myself they start off ever so gently, just a little sign here or there and if I am not present or open to see them, well they do become louder and sometimes not so gentle….

I used to believe the world was after me in someway, that I had all this bad luck or bad things always happened to me, but I decided at a certain point that is not how I wanted to view life. I knew there had to be another way of looking at things, a way that felt good, that allowed me to understand the flow of life.

I have always wanted to control so many out comes, you know you make a vision in your head of how you see things going, the way it just makes sense to you. I still struggle with this at times, but I will tell you, that is when I get my wake up calls. Those are the times the Universe says to me,” This is not the way, I have a better plan, trust me.” Not too long ago I knew there was something I needed to change in my life, but I kept putting it off because I was not ready to make it. I had signs all around me, telling me, showing me, that yes this was the time, but I didn’t want to listen or see. So I had a big wake up call, one that made me stop in my tracks and remind me I am not in control and that whatever my plan is, there was a better one playing out for me.

Wake up calls are something to be grateful for, however you want to see it or name it, there is a higher power watching over all of us. We all came here to live our best life, but we need to learn first that we have no control over the way it will play out, no matter how good we think of the ways it should go or be. Don’t be afraid of those nudges, they are loving signs to remind you that the Universe always has your back, even when it is a tough lesson or situation we are going through. It is all for a reason and purpose. XO-Rach

Loving Through: Finding your Tribe

You can be in a room filled with people you call friends, but still feel completely alone. Alone in the way that you can’t be who you truly are, that you conform to the way everyone else thinks and feels, but it is all the same as you are still alone, but filled with people who don’t know who you truly are.

I have always told my girls you really only need one good friend who you can be yourself with. Who you can trust, laugh, cry, dream and say how you feel. Quantity does not matter especially when you get older, but society has made our younger years a popularity contest and that takes us sometime to undo and figure out and sometimes people never do.

You can only grow, challenge yourself and learn when you surround yourself with people who allow you to do just that. We need to have that space where we are unafraid to BE who we are and know that we are loved and cared for no matter what.

The hard part is letting go when our tribe may not be what we need anymore, that we have grown and learned all we can from them. This is the space where we need to dive into love, being grateful for all that we have received and learned. Nothing is about us, but it is about the growth and knowing not everyone is meant to stay on our journey or in our tribe.

I believe we are truly blessed when we have a tribe that remains with us throughout our lives, even if it is just one person. The greatest gift we can give to ourself is to be walking our path that is meant for us, with the people we are meant to walk with. XO-Rach

Ode to Love.

Love is who we are, each and every one of us.  We were born as love and we will die as love.  Love can not be bought or sold.  Love is not a possession or misconception.  

Loving Through is being present in each moment we are granted.  

There are endless possibilities of love, but you must be able to see them, feel them and cherish them.   

Love is the sun, the sky, the moon and the stars.  Love is the oceans, with white sandy beaches.  Love is the mountains, with snow covered tops.   Love is the animals and the insects, birds and reptiles.  Love is the earth.  Love is the planets that dance above us. Love is the Universe.

Love is the rain that falls down upon us.  Love is the snowflakes that touch our faces.  Love is the wind that swirls around us.  Love is the leaves that fall gently down to the ground.  Love is the warmth from summer days.

Love is here.  Love is now.  It never leaves, it never dies, but sometimes we forget.  Sometimes we need to look inside ourselves, for that is where love begins.

Love is a smile.  Love is a laughing voice.  Love is a teardrop rolling down our face.  Love is everything.

Look inside of yourself and say, I am Love.  I am Love.  I am Love.

Love is a kiss.  Love is a hug.  Love is a wave hello.  Love is walking away.  Love is everything.

Love is the smell of  fresh cut grass.  Love is the smell of lilacs in bloom.  Love is the smell of fresh fallen snow.  Love is everything.

Love is the sound of kids playing.   Love is the sound of a crackling fire.  Love is the sound of thunder in a storm.  Love is the sound of weeping despair.  Love is everything.

Love is you.  Love is me.  Each and every moment of our life, we have the power to choose love.  In the dark moments when we feel alone, love is there to light our way.  In our moments of sadness and heartbreak, love is there to embrace us. 
In our joyous and gleeful moments, love is there, cheering with us.    Love is who we are.  Love is everywhere.

If we choose to love through our lives, we begin to see the beauty unfold around us, knowing love is embracing us with each breath we take.   -XO Rach

Loving Through- The Mirrors

I think one of the most challenging lessons has been showing love to others when you know they do not like you. We seem to take this so personally but the truth is it is not about us, it is about them.

What I have learned is when someone doesn’t like you it is because you have triggered something inside of them. It’s like holding a mirror up for them to see themselves and most of the time no one wants to see what is being shown. I am sure if you think about people in your life now or in the past you can see the ones who held a mirror up for you and you can see what you choose to do. This is not a bad thing at all, it is actually a really beautiful thing, a gift to heal something in us that we may or may not have known. The same thing is said for the ones we trigger, but what we must remember is we do not have the power to change anyone, all we can do is be loving and kind and hope they will see inside themselves what is being shown. It is not our load to carry, but it is our message to deliver in the most loving way.

I look at everyone as a lesson that we are meant to have in this life time. Some will love us, some will leave us, some will challenge us, but all of them will allow us to grow and evolve if we are willing to look in that mirror. The more we can see how we are all connected in one way or another and how each of us are here to learn and grow from each other, the more love and kindness we can bring to this world. No one is smarter, prettier, stronger, or anything else that is what we have been made to believe. Instead, believe we are all here to serve our purpose for this lifetime and we all have mirrors and messages to deliver. Be kind, loving and have empathy for others. XO-Rach

Loving Through Surrendering

Surrender means to give one’s power away or to give up, but I am writing about surrendering to the unknown, the force that is here to help and guide us.

There are many different times in our life when we are stopped in fear or just don’t know what to do, these are the times where we need to surrender the outcome or the next step. Trusting and allowing what is meant to be will be. Yes, that sounds absolutely terrifying but have you ever tried it? Have you ever said to yourself, “ I trust whatever is meant to happen will happen”, and sit back and live life. Society has become a control freak, in almost every area of our life we want to control how this or that will go and want to know the outcome before we actually go through the journey.

To take our hands of the wheel, sit back and enjoy the ride no matter what is how life is meant to be. We miss some of the most amazing things when we are focused on controlling everything. We don’t have the power to control anything in this world, only ourselves, our thoughts and emotions, so why waste your energy? To have trust and faith in yourself and a belief that there is a force cheering and guiding you to the next best place or thing should bring us all comfort. Even in our darkness moments and questions there is a reason for what happens, even if we do not like it we need to surrender to the trusting that this is how life is meant to be and we might not understand in that moment, but we will in time.

We are meant to live the life of our dreams, but we are not meant to control how it comes. XO-Rach

Loving Through Trust

The definition of trust in the dictionary is this: belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. No where does the definition mention anything about self, which is where trust must begin.

To have trust is believing that whatever is meant to be will be. Knowing we can not control anything or anyone, just ourselves and the way we respond and act. We have the choice to allow others that space without blaming them for their choices, if we feel hurt by someone that is a place we need to look at in ourselves. No one has the ability to make us feel a certain way, unless we give them that power.

Too often in relationships you hear how someone did something to break trust with the other, which often leads to the end of the relationship. What I honestly know in my own experience is this: If two unhealed people come together in a relationship and do not fix or heal what they need to, they will both pass all of their traumas and baggage unto each other. Thus, the blame game will start and no one stands a chance to heal and fix what needs to be.

Trust is not meant to hide us from hurt, betrayal, or any of those negative experiences, but if you are healed and healthy in your mind and soul, you will react and feel differently about anything that happens. Trust that the Universe, God, Angels, Guides, whoever it is you believe in is taking care of you. Trust that each experience you go through is meant to happen, good or not good, it is how we grow and evolve. Loving Through is facing your own shadows, not taking ownership of anyone else’s. It is learning to trust in yourself, knowing each step of your journey you are doing the best you can with what you know in each moment. Trusting in love and making loving choices, is a place that will never lead you astray, trust me :). XO-Rach