One Of a Kind

Have you ever wondered why you are not getting to the next space in your life? It could be in business, personal relationships, or anything else you have wanted to accomplish or be, but instead, you keep going around and around. I feel you 100% and have thought about this for a while.

For me, it is the stories I tell myself. I don’t care what people say or think about me, but I realize I do on some level. These stories I fill my head with are mostly untrue, but they give just enough weight for me to second-guess myself. I know none of us follow the same path, yet there is a lot of judgment around people who take a different course or do something differently. I know we are all unique, and our paths are designed differently for each of us.

So, how do we embrace our extraordinary journeys and stop that inner critic voice telling us the things we do not want to believe? For me, it is taking a step each day in the direction I want to go in and saying kind and positive affirmations when I hear those negative ones. It is choosing to believe the right people will show up and believing in ourselves without expecting others to do that for us. Of course, I am not naive in my thinking or believing that there will never be judgment again, but I trust the work that I am doing will allow me to keep moving forward and not get distracted by the outside views.

Life would be boring if we all did the same things in the same way. I believe society created a one-size-fits-all, but how amazing it is to be ourselves!! XO-Rach

The Shell Of a Family

‘If you follow me at all on TikTok or Instagram, you will have seen me posting about narcissism. I know I had been pretty open after my divorce for a while, but then everything changed. I was scared to speak my truth, and then a new battle began in my life. That battle was to protect our youngest daughter from the emotional and mental abuse that her father was, has, and still does to all of our kids. I was able to get a court order, and he still, to this day, has not followed it, so it has been over five years since she has seen or been with her dad.

What many do not understand is that divorcing a narcissist is not a typical divorce, and when you throw kids into the mix, it is hell on earth, to put it mildly. For the last seven years, I have been healing my traumas from the 22 years of this abuse. But I also worked with my kids, talked to them about healing, gave tools, and tried anything and everything I could to make sure they could do the same: heal. We all know we can not make others see anything they do not want to, but when you put a narcissist into that mix, and the title of that person is Dad… Well it becomes almost like a war zone.

Each child goes through divorce in their own way, but again, when the parent is a narcissist, it makes it almost impossible for anyone to heal and to come together as a healthy unit. Each one views their own experience in a way that fits them. Right or wrong, it is theirs. I went over a year not talking to my older daughter, not because that is what I wanted, but because I had to have boundaries for myself. There is no handbook for life and how each person will respond to the same event, but I have tried to hold myself to move through it all in love. Love for myself being priority one and then for my kids.

I do not hate, for that takes energy. I have learned to love myself again and have empathy for this person who is unable to love.

I do want to say my ex has never been diagnosed as a narcissist, so I will say he has the behaviors of one. Twenty-two years of what I thought love was and what family meant has changed in these seven years. This group of people who sat around a dinner table every night is nothing but a shell of what a family could have been.

April 11th, 2012

I love this picture for many reasons, mostly because it is the last picture of me and my mom. It was taken on April 8th, 2012, 3 days before she passed away. Today, April 11th, is 12 years since she left this earth, and It is surreal when I stop to think about everything that has happened since that day and how I am completely different but also more of myself. I know that seems strange to say, but it is like tearing everything down and rebuilding. A lot has to go, but the newness that comes is like a rebirth.

I have to really sit and put myself in a space to think about all the life that has happened these last 12 years. As much as I know I have healed, I truly realize how much has happened, and then I understand in those moments of stillness what everyone else has seen me go through—all the loss and change and people wondering how I am able to be the way I am. But I think that is the point for me. I have chosen to see all that I have gained from the past. My beliefs have changed in ways that have strengthened my faith, which has allowed me to move forward in a loving way.

I consider these past 12 years some of the biggest blessings in my life. Yes, I had to lose so much, but it was all for a purpose I am just starting to realize now. My entire family is with me every day. The gifts I received from each of them have allowed me to keep moving forward. Changing my thoughts, beliefs, and the way I want to be each day has made all the difference in the world.

Death is whatever you want it to be. I have chosen to see it in a way that allows me to move forward with gratitude and love for what was, what is, and what will be. XO-Rach

Divine Time

There is never a perfect time to start anything. Perfection is an illusion, a place many of us strive to be. There is divine timing when things fall into place without us doing anything except letting go of control.

Divine timing is not something we can control. Instead, it is knowing what occurred was meant to be. I moved to another state, took a job for less money, and had to get another job to make things work, but I understand why it all happened the way it has. I had to take a leap of faith; I had to be uncomfortable to start believing in myself and what I was here to do. The hardest thing in life for me has been to believe in my gifts and my reason for being here. I am not alone in this, as many others have the same or similar struggles. It is easier for us to believe the bad things than the good.

I have been redoing my website and offerings and embracing who I am and how I can share, support, and guide others. I am getting used to this uncomfortableness, and it awkwardly feels good :). I know why I had to do all I have: to be in this space where I could grow and start believing in the good.

Forget about perfection and the right time. Let go, get uncomfortable, and see what happens. XO-Rach

Loving Through Time

Time plays into every single moment of our lives. It can be your enemy or your teacher. It is up to you to decide how you want to see it.

Time isn’t just a clock with numbers telling us when we need to be here or there. It is a space where we live our life every day, month, and year. We can look back at a specific time, like our childhood, and either think it was forever ago or it feels like yesterday. There are spaces of time we wish we had more of, and some we wish never existed.

We never get the time we want, but I believe we get the time we need. Everything happens for a reason, and nothing is by accident. Time can be a wake-up call or can be lost.

Time teaches us to live each moment, to be present, and not dwell on the past or think about the future. Have you learned this yet? If not, it is never too late.

Regardless of all the beginnings and endings in life, they are gifts that came at the perfect time. XO-Rach

Loving Through: Self Vs. Self Image

Self is what you think of yourself. Self-image is what other people think of you.

Do you move through your days being yourself, or are you living in your self-image? Unfortunately, the world today is all about self-image. Everywhere you look, you can see where people have lost themselves and how they create an image to hide behind or feel people want to see. With a touch of a button, you can create perfect images where you look perfect, you can buy anything to make your body look different, and there are more beauty products to make you look younger. But why is everyone afraid to be themselves? Why has the world become this way where they feel their image is more important than their actual selves?

The simple ways of living and being in life have been disappearing as time passes. As much as I feel technology is a great tool, I also think there is no balance. The world has become fake with looks and how people live. Social media can make it look like your life is perfect, but your reality is far from the image you put out. Age is not a factor; it isn't just about our kids. It is anyone who feels the need, for whatever reason, to live from an image and not from the self.

So how does this change? It only can start with you. If you desire to know yourself, you must do the work. Nothing in life is free, meaning we must do something to achieve change. To love ourselves is the greatest love we will know. It will radiate out, and others will see and feel it without filters.

Beauty is knowing and loving who we are, being fearless, and not carrying how others see us. That is their image of us, not ours. XO-Rach

Loving Through: Doing things for love or out of love

Here is a question to make you think: Do you do things for love or out of love? I know, it makes you think; I love this question because it made me look at myself and the reasons why I do different things in my life. Asking this will change how you think about what you are doing and why you are doing it.

I realized eight months ago I was doing things for love with my kids and not out of love. I tried to fix things, help when it wasn’t wanted, and make everyone happy, but I never succeeded. I was left feeling depleted, used, and aware that I was not helping anyone, especially myself.

How do you know when you are doing things for love or out of love? When you do things for love, you are looking for something in return. Even if it is someone else’s happiness, it is still an expectation. You may think you are doing it with love, but when you do not get the result you were hoping for, that is not love. How would you feel if you were at work and went the extra mile but your boss didn’t notice? Probably not significant, and thinking that you just wasted your time. Well, that is not going the extra mile in love; it was for love. Doing things in love sets you free because you do not care what happens. You know it makes you feel good, and that love is your motivator.

Asking yourself this question helps you build boundaries within your relationships. It gives you an awareness of why you do the things you do, and it will surprise you with what you discover.

When we lead and live in love, we expect nothing because we have everything inside of ourselves. Our job is to give what feels good for us, but with the pure intention of doing it in love. XO-Rach

Loving Through: The Victim

I believe at some point in our lives, we have all been a victim of our life, where we have felt powerless and would rather blame someone else for what has happened. The main thing is to not stay in this place but instead empower ourselves to move forward and take the lessons with us.

When I was younger, I played the victim of my life really well, but I did not get an award. Instead, I received some hard lessons, but today I am grateful for all I have gone through to see and understand how anyone can fall into this cycle.

The first thing I know is nothing happens to us; it happens for us. This may seem crazy to think and believe, depending on what is or has gone on in your life. But when I think about my younger years, I can see how everything did happen for me, not against me, as I believed for many years. Secondly, there is always someone else who is going through something more challenging. Depending on our age, this can be a hard concept to grasp, but the more we can teach our kids this, the more power and empathy they will gain. Lastly, we are never stuck unless we choose to be. I know it can be hard to see past what we may have in front of us, but we always have the power to choose

We all have asked time to time the “Why” questions, wanting to understand but try asking yourself, “What.” What is this showing me, teaching me, or asking of me? What is taking our power to look at our situation or challenge in a different light. Why is asking from a victimized place where we can blame someone or something and take comfort in that.

Life is full of lessons, and the more we can lean into being students, the more power and joy we will create in ourselves. XO-Rach

Loving Through: Knowing Who You Are

How well do you know yourself?

We all know what we like to eat, drink, wear, etc., but have you ever taken the time to understand why you are the way you are? Do you know why you act in specific ways or do certain things? Why do you think, feel, and believe the way you do?

Over the last five years, I have taken the time to understand myself and to learn what makes me who I am. I know from doing this work I have healed many things in my life, some I was aware of and some I was not. I have had many moments “AHA” moments of feeling like the light turned on and that I went another layer deeper in my understanding.

I want to share some things that helped me start my journey of discovering who I am.

Astrology, I have always been fascinated with the stars and moon, but I never knew much except what my sun sign ( the month and date you are born) was. When I started reading and following some people, I realized there was so much more to me than I ever thought. When I discovered my rising and moon sign, I had a better understanding of my personality and how I act. I love Debra Silverman, she is fantastic and someone I would follow if you are interested in learning basics. Another thing I did was get my birth chart. It really can shed light on things you would never have seen before. I used www.astrograph.com. It is free, all you need is your birth date, time, and place, and it will do the rest.

Another thing I did was honestly take time to be present with life. I started practicing meditation, became more aware of why I felt the way I did, and noticed what triggered me to feel a certain way. I also hired a Life Coach :), another tool that guided me to different ideas and awareness I would not have found on my own.

The more we know ourselves, the healthier we become. It is the power to see who you are and to stand in your truth, whatever that may be for you. Knowing yourself allows you to be free, care less about what others think, and become balanced in how you move through your life.

I used to be this person who could never listen, who would get mad at people who caused me to get angry. Funny how it was never about the other person, but it was all about me and not knowing why I got upset. So much can change in your life by learning who you are. It is truly the most important work you will ever do in this lifetime. XO-Rach

Loving Through Education

I want to start by saying I believe in teaching kids the basics, math, reading, history, and science, but I know we need to teach our kids more, and honestly, we need to do better on many different levels.

When I reflect on my school journey, I cringe at some moments, and some make me sad. I was a child who had ADHD ( I finally got diagnosed at 45) I was always getting into trouble, which led to having a label as a child who did not listen and did not do her work. Entering middle school, which we all know can be some of the most challenging years of our lives, I struggled immensely with paying attention to my teachers, but even more trying to understand what I was supposed to do and how to do it once I left school. I was a social butterfly. I loved people and animals and cared and felt so much, too much about others. I thought those were my gifts and that they were good things. But, no one saw that or did anyone think that. In high school, my parents just wanted me to graduate so they did not have to deal with teachers or anyone anymore. I remember I wanted to be a zoologist until I saw how much they made, but the reality is that I knew college was not going to be my thing because I had battled for too long and had already been told in ways that I was dumb. What I know is I wasn't the only one struggling. Many other kids had a different struggle, whether it was family, mental health, or anything in between. But none of us would know because we would never dream of sharing our problems or thoughts. After all, that was not a thing to do, and sadly, today is still the same.

Today I can't even imagine being a child in the school system, not just because of all the standardized testing but the growing mental health crisis, a pandemic, and for many kids, their family situations.

Teaching our kids how to understand themselves should be a course where they learn empathy, kindness, and compassion. A place where they feel safe to express their feelings and find out they are not alone. Using role-play to solve real-life situations they are going through and learn tools to help them navigate them. Learning how to meditate so they can calm and soothe themselves is a tool that will help them for the rest of their lives.

We don't need more testing. But, honestly, we must show and teach our kids lessons that will help them be kinder and more empathetic to themselves and others. Mental health is not going away and will only worsen until we take a look and realize they need more. They need a space where they can learn about their emotions and the tools that can help them and knowledge to help them change their lives and help others.

We all learn and grow differently, and we all have our gifts. Can you imagine what life would have been like if you had a class that helped you see yourself, your passions, and how to navigate your life?

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I developed a course and have been trying to get it into my daughter's school, but sadly, this seems almost impossible. They can say it is needed, but that is not enough. We need to do more. XO-Rach