Loving Through: Knowing Who You Are

How well do you know yourself?

We all know what we like to eat, drink, wear, etc., but have you ever taken the time to understand why you are the way you are? Do you know why you act in specific ways or do certain things? Why do you think, feel, and believe the way you do?

Over the last five years, I have taken the time to understand myself and to learn what makes me who I am. I know from doing this work I have healed many things in my life, some I was aware of and some I was not. I have had many moments “AHA” moments of feeling like the light turned on and that I went another layer deeper in my understanding.

I want to share some things that helped me start my journey of discovering who I am.

Astrology, I have always been fascinated with the stars and moon, but I never knew much except what my sun sign ( the month and date you are born) was. When I started reading and following some people, I realized there was so much more to me than I ever thought. When I discovered my rising and moon sign, I had a better understanding of my personality and how I act. I love Debra Silverman, she is fantastic and someone I would follow if you are interested in learning basics. Another thing I did was get my birth chart. It really can shed light on things you would never have seen before. I used www.astrograph.com. It is free, all you need is your birth date, time, and place, and it will do the rest.

Another thing I did was honestly take time to be present with life. I started practicing meditation, became more aware of why I felt the way I did, and noticed what triggered me to feel a certain way. I also hired a Life Coach :), another tool that guided me to different ideas and awareness I would not have found on my own.

The more we know ourselves, the healthier we become. It is the power to see who you are and to stand in your truth, whatever that may be for you. Knowing yourself allows you to be free, care less about what others think, and become balanced in how you move through your life.

I used to be this person who could never listen, who would get mad at people who caused me to get angry. Funny how it was never about the other person, but it was all about me and not knowing why I got upset. So much can change in your life by learning who you are. It is truly the most important work you will ever do in this lifetime. XO-Rach

Loving Through Education

I want to start by saying I believe in teaching kids the basics, math, reading, history, and science, but I know we need to teach our kids more, and honestly, we need to do better on many different levels.

When I reflect on my school journey, I cringe at some moments, and some make me sad. I was a child who had ADHD ( I finally got diagnosed at 45) I was always getting into trouble, which led to having a label as a child who did not listen and did not do her work. Entering middle school, which we all know can be some of the most challenging years of our lives, I struggled immensely with paying attention to my teachers, but even more trying to understand what I was supposed to do and how to do it once I left school. I was a social butterfly. I loved people and animals and cared and felt so much, too much about others. I thought those were my gifts and that they were good things. But, no one saw that or did anyone think that. In high school, my parents just wanted me to graduate so they did not have to deal with teachers or anyone anymore. I remember I wanted to be a zoologist until I saw how much they made, but the reality is that I knew college was not going to be my thing because I had battled for too long and had already been told in ways that I was dumb. What I know is I wasn't the only one struggling. Many other kids had a different struggle, whether it was family, mental health, or anything in between. But none of us would know because we would never dream of sharing our problems or thoughts. After all, that was not a thing to do, and sadly, today is still the same.

Today I can't even imagine being a child in the school system, not just because of all the standardized testing but the growing mental health crisis, a pandemic, and for many kids, their family situations.

Teaching our kids how to understand themselves should be a course where they learn empathy, kindness, and compassion. A place where they feel safe to express their feelings and find out they are not alone. Using role-play to solve real-life situations they are going through and learn tools to help them navigate them. Learning how to meditate so they can calm and soothe themselves is a tool that will help them for the rest of their lives.

We don't need more testing. But, honestly, we must show and teach our kids lessons that will help them be kinder and more empathetic to themselves and others. Mental health is not going away and will only worsen until we take a look and realize they need more. They need a space where they can learn about their emotions and the tools that can help them and knowledge to help them change their lives and help others.

We all learn and grow differently, and we all have our gifts. Can you imagine what life would have been like if you had a class that helped you see yourself, your passions, and how to navigate your life?

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I developed a course and have been trying to get it into my daughter's school, but sadly, this seems almost impossible. They can say it is needed, but that is not enough. We need to do more. XO-Rach

Loving Through Your Own Advice

As human beings, we are good at giving others advice, either wanted or unwanted. We can tell someone else how they should live, what they should do, and everything in between.

But have you ever stopped to think about the advice you give and if it is what you would do yourself?

This concept of taking our own advice falls short for many reasons. For one, people have difficulty seeing themselves in someone else's problem. Secondly, humans feel better about themselves when they give advice, but that doesn't always mean it is good advice. On the contrary, it can be horrible advice because it does not come from a loving space. Instead, it's given in a way to make ourselves feel more powerful and superior.

I am sure we all can recall a moment or two of receiving advice from someone and knowing it was not coming from a place of love or good intentions. These moments teach us how to communicate with others in a way we would like for ourselves. I always think how hard it used to be to ask someone for their advice, so I keep that in my mind when asked, as it reminds me to speak from my heart.

The first thing in giving advice is listening to what they ask us, not what would make us feel good. I love nothing more than helping others and anyone who wants my advice on something, but what I try to remind myself is, that it is not about me, it is about them. I want anyone to walk away from my advice and feel that I saw them, heard them, and truly cared.

I always try to give advice that I use or that has helped me, but what I believe to be the most important thing is to come from a place of seeing someone, not a space of being superior. That truly makes all the difference in the world. XO-Rach

Loving Through Unbecoming

In order to change anything, you have to unbecome it first.

Awareness of what you do not like or is not working in your life is essential in change. Whether it is a habit, relationship, or a job, knowing what’s no longer supporting you and bringing you joy will allow you the space to observe and feel.

The way to be successful with anything you change in life is to understand why it is not supporting you anymore or fulfilling you in the ways that you need to grow as a human. Depending on what it is you would like to change, reflecting and understanding the why and feeling the feels can be uncomfortable and sometimes bring feelings you would instead not feel. But that is the point of unbecoming. You must understand why you feel the way you do and how you got to the place you did. Once you do this, it will only propel you faster to who or where you want to be. The way we learn and grow is to gain knowledge of what was not working so we understand what we want the next time.

Unbecoming can be messy and complicated as you sit and reflect on things you may never have seen before, either about yourself or someone else. The beautiful part of this process is that you are healing what needs healing so that you can become. XO-Rach

Loving Through Rejection

Rejection is something that has happened to each of us at some point in our lives, some more than others. We can experience this in many ways from a person, job, school, and other scenarios. The feelings that stir up inside us can be shame, hurt, and embarrassment. What if there was a different way to think about his? One that would challenge us to see things from a loving space?

When I think about all the ways I was being rejected in my lifetime, I can see now how I was being redirected to something better. In those moments, though, we can’t see it because the feelings we feel can overwhelm us. These feelings come from the stories we have told ourselves each day in ways we might not even realize.

In the last 5 years of my journey, I think I have been rejected more than I have at any other time in my life! Thankfully I have learned to trust that each rejection has pointed me to where I was meant to be. In the moments of rejection, when we want to say we are this or that, or we aren’t this or that, we need to stop in our tracks and look at the bigger picture. Sometimes we don’t even want a particular outcome, but it is the rejection that we do not like.

I try to look at this in a way that the Universe is redirecting me to something better, or it is saving me from something. I also sometimes think this person or job or whatever circumstance may not be ready for me:). If we stop with the negative talk and take a different look, believe me, you will see so much more. XO-Rach

Loving Through Healing

Each of us has some form of trauma or multiple traumas we have endured through the years. Some traumas are big, and others are small, but what is the same for all traumas is they need to emerge to heal ourselves.

No one can say they do not have or have had trauma. It is something that happens to all of us. Most traumas occur in our younger years, and they can be small, from someone calling us fat on a playground to big traumas, where a parent dies or some abuse has happened. These traumas will carry with us and manifest in ways we would never have thought. It is like carrying a suitcase filled with stuff you don’t want but don’t know what to do with it. It can sometimes become overwhelming and even crippling to where we can’t move in any direction. It honestly can affect every part of life and our relationships as we can become easily triggered by the words and actions of people around us.

Healing is like an onion, with so many layers that we must go through, and some layers are easier than others. Some layers make you want to stop because the pain of what you are feeling can be too much, but what I know to feel is to be alive; each one helps us grow. Healing isn’t something that happens overnight, it is a journey, and each of us has a different path and timeline.

Even when you feel you have healed something, you could be sitting on a Sunday, and a message pops up, and it can bring you back to a space and time that you never thought you would visit again. The beautiful part of this is this time, you are not that same person, you are a person who has healed this, but you see there was a little bit more to learn and understand. Healing is a beautiful thing for many reasons, but one that I have just experienced is seeing how far I have come and how much I was able to change my thoughts and feelings, which allowed me to see the person I am today. XO-Rach

Loving Through: Love In Action

In the world we live in, there is not enough love to witness. Everywhere you look, it seems to paint a picture of fear and cruelty taking place in many ways and places. But what if you just looked for love in your everyday life?

I go walking every day, sometimes twice, and this past weekend on my walk, I saw the sweetest act of love—a lady pulling a wagon, not with a child in it but a dog. I stopped and told her how adorable it was to see the dog just lying in its bed enjoying the ride. She said he was pretty old but loved being outside. As I walked away, my heart grew more significant, and my smile got wider as I thought about the simplicity of her action.

That is the great thing about love; it doesn’t require some big grand gesture; it can be a simple walk. If we all could find some way to put love into action each day, can you imagine how that would radiate out into the world? That is my challenge for each of you and myself for this month. Go out each day and find a way to spread love to yourself, another person, an animal, or our earth.

I can guarantee you that doing this will change your mind and how you move through each day of your life. Love is the medicine for our soul, and it can heal more than anyone realizes. XO-Rach

Loving Through: Emotional Intelligence

Our emotions have the ability to drive our life if we give them the power to do so. Being able to regulate our emotions can change our lives and allow us to flow and move through situations that once would have stopped us in our tracks.

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to understand our feelings, and what they mean, and to use them in healthy ways that promote empathy, love, and kindness.

There are 5 areas of EQ: Self Awareness, Self Regulation, Empathy, Motivation, and Social Skill. Self Awareness- The ability to label your feelings and understand the impact they can make not only on yourself but on others. Self Regulation- This allows you to manage your emotions and the way you react. Empathy- The ability to understand someone else’s feelings, being able to put yourself in their place. Motivation- Being self-motivated, enjoying what you do, and not doing it because of money or power. Social Skills- You are able to work in teams and effectively understand what others need and can help with conflict resolution.

I often question why this was not taught in school growing up and why it is still not taught in schools Can you imagine what our kids would be like IF they knew how to harness their emotions and have the ability to do great things while understanding themselves and the people around them?!

Each day we get to decide how we are going to show up and how we want to feel and think, no one else can decide that for us unless we do not have awareness of ourselves. We can not blame anyone for how we feel or what we think, no one has the power to make us feel anything. When something shows up that makes you feel anything but positive it is a sign to sit and see where this is coming from within, not looking outside and not reacting or blaming.

Emotions do not need to run our lives, we are meant to feel what arises, but we also need to be aware of why and what is happening within. Not all of our emotions always feel good, but to feel is to be alive, and that is a blessing right there. XO-Rach

Loving Through Our Energy

Everything is energy.

Have you ever walked into a room or met someone for the first time and felt either positive or negative feelings? That is the energy you receive from a place or a person. Have you ever stopped and checked in on your charge during the day?

Sometimes we don’t stop and realize how we are in charge of what we put into the world around us. We are quick to point out who is not putting out good feelings, but for many, we will not look into our own mirror.

Every moment, we can shift into and out of many different emotions without really even knowing it. Each thought that crosses our mind produces a feeling in us; some are good, some are neutral, and some can make us not feel so good. When we connect with others, either by texting, email, video, or in person, we carry our energy with us; that is what we are showing up and giving out.

Energy is what you remember about people, animals, and places, how it all made you feel. The energy of someone draws you to them and makes you want to connect with them. We all have the power to change our energy at any given moment by checking in and observing what we are feeling. The world has enough negative energy, and we need more love, kindness, and compassion. Choose with your heart, and you will never go wrong. XO-Rach

Loving Through: Never Too Late

On July 1st, I realized in 6 months, I would be turning 50. Even though I believe age is only a number, it did stir up some emotions that I was not expecting.

In the last 5 years of my life, I have realized it is never too late to change anything in your life. It is never too late to change the way you think or feel. It is never too late to take a class or start exercising. It is never too late to write that book or start that business.

Society has had this plan for how your life should go, but the thing is. we are all different and we change in many ways throughout our years. Our beliefs, goals, and what truly matters to us can change every day that is OK. I have said before in a previous blog that time is limitless, we are the one who puts limits on it, and we block ourselves from allowing ourselves to be and do what we feel and want.

I know life begins every morning I open my eyes, and it is a new beginning. With that mindset, I try and remind myself, as needed, that it is never too late to do anything, try anything and accomplish anything. I hope I make it to 90 and can still be in a space of learning, and believe it is never too late unless you decide it is. XO-Rach