Loving Through when there is no closure.
Closure is something that allows us to feel a certain cycle is complete. It could be in a relationship, a death, or anything that allows us to end one cycle in order to move on to the next. But what happens when we do not get that closure? How do we move on fully in life, letting go of the need or desire for this closure we seek? That had been a challenge for me, but one I have been able to navigate through. Two big major events come into my mind when I think about closure, one is my divorce and the other is the death of my sister. These events showed and taught me that I can only control myself, what I think, what I believe and the choices I had to make to move on and find my own closure. With my divorce I knew we would never be friends, never have a “nice” goodbye, but I had to dig deep to know that he was never on the same level as me, that there was a reason for my goodbye. I could never make him understand or value my thoughts or feelings when we were married, so why would I believe I could after? That is where I had to let go of the control and the belief that I would not be able to move forward with my life. What I discovered is closure can happen without that person, that you can wake up one day and something has changed inside of you, that you are in a place of peace.
When my sister took her own life over 4 years ago, I had already said my goodbyes to her years before that, but I was left with wondering if there was something more I could have done or said to make anything different I know today that there is not one thing I could have done or changed, because I do not have that kind of power.
Closure can happen on Sunday sitting in your house and realizing the only thing you can control is yourself. This is our power, our control in finding our own closure, whether the other person knows it or not. When you can be kind and loving to yourself and let go of the control and begin to understand that we are all on different levels, you will find peace and knowing that you have closure.
Holding love instead of hate, forgiving without having “I’m sorry”, will allow you to move on to the next adventure of your life, with more love, compassion and empathy. XO-Rach